It’s no Gashlycrumb Tinies, but the point is I wasn’t going for that, anyway.
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I’ve been having the most interesting, intriguing, and ridiculous dreams lately. Last night, and I was medicine-free, mind you, I dreamed that I was a poet, of sorts, and that I was neighbors to a house. Well, I should say, House. Because this House was alive, a real, bona-fide living House. In addition to that, this House lived in an envelope. That’s right. An envelope. (It is a buyer's market, right?) At any rate, I’d been out of work for some time, and as a favor, the House had hired me to paint a new coat for its exterior. Except, instead of paint, the House had...
I’ve never had a mullet, and other Things I Can Brag About [...]*
Filed under: Deep South, education, Everyday, faith, family, food, humor, life, writing
![Link to I’ve never had a mullet, and other Things I Can Brag About [...]*](http://cleverkris.com/wp-content/themes/psm/scripts/timthumb.php?src=http://thecleverkris.com/files/2009/11/kris-jazzes-up2-150x150.jpg&h=250&w=250&zc=1)
* The full, real title is I've never had a mullet, and other Things I Feel I Have the Right to Brag About and also Things I Cannot Stand. Just, you know, FYI. You should know that what follows is a) a partial list only, and b) they’re not in any particular order of Cannot Stand vs. Brag. I would say to put your Big Boy Panties on and read carefully, but it’s odd how similar the things I can’t stand and the things I want to brag about actually are. I’m not sure what that says about me, but anyway – to be safe –...
You can’t kill a Honda, unless you’re an 18-Wheeler.
Mornings make me nervous. I wish that they didn’t. But they do. I wake up with such issue with the Day, every single day. It doesn’t matter if I’ve had three hours of sleep or a hundred. And I don’t settle down until after 2:00, usually…on bad days 4:00. I think it’s because I’ve lost my mornings. That's what it feels like. I mean, I wake up knowing I have a drive ahead of me just to get to my office, a drive I’m beginning to hate with the heated passion of a thousand burning suns, and it’s caused me to reevaluate what I do...
He was called Bear because he looked like a bear.
Filed under: Deep South, education, Everyday, family, food, language, life, theatre, writing
I figured something out yesterday: The closer I get to someone, the more of my name I lose. It's not the first time, I admit, that I've had this thought. I’ve often been concerned with the apparent fluid boundaries of what constitutes Identity, especially where names are involved. I got it naturally; after all, I’m no average Chris…I’m Kris…with a K. I even wrote a song about it once. It was always a delicious fantasy for me, though, in grade school, to change the spelling of my name on my homework assignments. I mean, Chris (with the “Ch”) was as foreign a person to...
The very idea of texting your mother…
Filed under: Deep South, education, Everyday, language, life, writing
You tell me if you get this: a student gets up to leave at the end of this morning's class, and casually turns back to me and says, “Well teetle, I guess! Have a good weekend!” Teetle? Do you know what that means? I didn’t either. I asked her to repeat it. “I said ‘teetle.’” “Do you mean like toodle-loo? Is that what you’re trying to say? As in, See you later, toodle-loo?” “I would never say that. That sounds dumb.” There was a lull as we tried to figure out how to communicate what, at first glance, appeared to be nothing but a simple, closing remark as she...
Faith for five dollars…and Tennessee Williams.
Filed under: Deep South, education, Everyday, faith, family, life, theatre, writing
I did something nearly unforgiveable, today: I cried in class. Don't worry, no one saw me. The lights were off, and most were, I'm happy to say, engrossed in the video documentary I was showing on Tennessee Williams. I counted three sleeping students, but I only heard two of them...so I let them rest. They're athletes and all, you know. I've seen this A&E video on Williams a hundred thousand and six times, but today, today, the story resonated in a deep and tragic way, wholly new to me. I suppose it's the stress, I'm saying it's the stress, but whatever it was, it touched...
I’d like to introduce you to the word “hingent.”
Filed under: End of the World, Everyday, food, language, life, writing
I have a confession to make. I wasn't all that "sold on" what I wrote yesterday. It didn't, how shall I say this without hurting my feelings, make a whole lot of sense. I've spent most of this morning trying to be OK with it because every day can't be a diamond. Indeed, most of them are just broken pieces of coal. But, but...that, that's OK. The whole point of starting a blog was to give myself room to make writer's mistakes with the option of accountability, depending on how many read the blog and felt the need to comment. I'd fallen into a rut, as a playwright and...
"And I said, Well, excuse me, I didn't know you had a copyright on the bow tie."
Now, you may not believe this, but I really do try very hard to be nice, to be kind, to be a friend, to be polite, etc. It's just that I have a great deal of trouble sometimes in doing anything even remotely nice, or kind, or friendly, or polite, etc. And sometimes, it's not even really my fault. It isn't. It's just that I'm, every now and again, a tiny beat behind the music. I'm not even sure I hear any music, so God bless my poor little drummer. Of course, I don't hear very well, either, and I know that doesn't...
$3 Makers
Three stools down, to my right, is John. He won't drink it if it's not Absolute, he informs me. Next to John is a nameless man, hands stained with paint, who came in with him. He's on the phone apologizing for a septic tank that's backed up. He'd installed it last month. To my left is another John, white and beardless and old and leathered. He's driven a truck the last twelve years. Half the time while drunk, he says, but he's never had a ticket, he says, and that's the trick, he says, but he never says to what. I'm in the middle but not in between, and that's important. They've got the radio on:...
Godzilla vs. Supergirl, sushi-style. Hi-Ya!
I'm not really good at saying No. But, I don't really ever say Yes, that often, either. I think what I've allowed to happen is an assumed understanding of emphasis between asker and askee. For instance, someone might ask me if I like the shirt they're wearing. My usual response, trying my best to avoid confrontation (which I always do on little things, remembering U.L.'s constant quip of "Is this the hill you want to die on?"), is "I do." And that is not to be confused with I DO. Or, I do. I firmly believe it's possible to say No with nothing but the sheer...
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