I’m not sure if you know this or not, but it’s never wrong to steal a pen.

November 13, 2009 by The Clever Kris · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Deep South, Everyday, education, faith, family, humor, life 
What do you want from me? The Kit-Kat logo is copyrighted.

I can count on one hand the number of things I’ve stolen in my entire life: four. I’m holding up four fingers, at this very moment, even though you can’t see them. But, that’s it: four items. Four, random though purposeful, inconsequential items. One of those items was a candy bar. A Kit-Kat, actually, and it was easily stolen because I used to run the “candy store” between class periods, at my high school.  The smart kids got to do everything fun, especially when it involved cash handling. I only stole one candy bar and only the one time because I had convinced myself that...

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It doesn’t matter because we’re eating Chinese food.

October 20, 2009 by The Clever Kris · Leave a Comment
Filed under: Deep South, Everyday, faith, family, food, life, writing 
See how it mocks me with its tongue?

Nothing irks me quite the way getting a bum Chinese fortune cookie does. And I love me a good Chinese fortune cookie. I live for them; I just don’t eat them – in case they come true. The only reason I frequent any Chinese buffet, though, even the one in Dekalb, is for the sole purpose of receiving, $9.00 later, that little baked, folded, American invention we call the Chinese fortune cookie. I guess there’s a little of Ya Ya in me, after all. Because of her, I reserve a small portion of my spirituality for the sake of superstition. It’s fun. And she taught...

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I accidentally punched her in the face: Tacoma Tales, Part 2

July 29, 2009 by The Clever Kris · 2 Comments
Filed under: Everyday 
"Any way you want it; that's the way you need it."

I'm a big fan of water. And not just for drinking. I love to be near, on, and in it. Each year, a group of friends and I make a sojourn to the beach and do little else than sit on the sand until we crisp. All for the sake of that liquid salvation. Sometimes, it's enough to just hear those waves, you know. I wait all year for this one week (usually in May, because no one is on this particular beach in May) constantly envisioning the glare of the sun from the sugar sand, salivating for the long evenings, lounging in...

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